There are many things I would like to say. More than I have the capacity to express.
My heart breaks at your young and tragic end. The sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness you must have felt in your final moments. I hope there were moments of peace in there for you. With all of my heart, that is what I hope.
I had a memory of you flash by my mind. It was one which I had subconsciously wiped away, until today. That is the beauty of memories; there are moments from your past onto which you are not even aware you are holding. That is, until something brings them up to the surface. This was one of those.
We were sitting in the grass. It was a sunny day. We were discussing death and funerals. We spoke of how those moments should be a celebration, not a mourning. You told me that you wanted a funeral where everyone wore bright colours. You did not want black. You wanted the rainbow. I admired it greatly. It was a deep reflection of who you were.
All the parts of your life which I was lucky enough to see were lived loudly and unapologetically and with so much light.
I think of you a lot. But today, more than any other day since you died, I feel slightly at ease about things. Because when you envisioned a world after your death, it was bright and colourful. It was the rainbow.
It is another sunny day today. And though it has not rained, I can see the rainbow in it.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
Love, always.
